Every family is different, so finding a tech solution that works for you is a very individual process. There is no one size fits all answer.

Parenting Style

In my approach, the first thing I take into consideration is your parenting style. A solution isn’t a solution if you, as the parent you are right now, can’t implement it. Are you strict or free-flowing? Are you safety conscious or a risk taker? Are you a tech lover or a luddite?

Tech is just one part of the big, messy, beautiful daily joy and challenge of raising kids. The best tech solution for your family is the one that fits your life right now, exactly as it is, not the one that might work someday when you have more time or sleep or energy.

Conversations

Because screen time can cause so much family conflict, my first goal is to end the battle. I prioritize helping you find new ways to talk to your kids about tech and tech habits. Having calm conversations that are less about lecturing and more about learning together invites them to be part of the process of finding a new relationship with technology.

All kids respond differently to technology, even within the same family. However, I think of a tech solution as something that includes the whole family, not just something put in place for a “problem child”. Your child isn’t the problem, Persuasive Design is the problem.

Science

The tech industry has long been using brain science to make their products as habit forming as possible. This is at the heart of persuasive design. It makes Big Tech a lot of money but comes at the expense of a healthy childhood. It also makes our job as parents so much harder.

My approach is to fight science with science by turning the tables and using some of these same tactics to create habits that are in the best interest of your family. I like to dial down the instant gratification rewards of screens and dial up the lasting rewards of real life.

Child Development

The habit-forming design of today’s technology makes it so easy to overuse. There are only so many hours in a day, and all those screen hours can push important, real-life experiences out of our children’s lives.

More and more research clearly shows that when kids and teens miss out on necessary aspects of real life, it affects both their mental and physical health, as well as their social and cognitive development.

Real life is where they learn social skills, language skills, resilience, frustration tolerance, grit, creativity, imagination, empathy, the ability to cope with difficult emotions and the motivation to work hard at things that aren’t instantly gratifying.

Researchers have found that when screens are overused, this is what gets crowded out:

When helping a family find screen time solutions, I like to take a “whole child” approach. What does your child or teen need to thrive at the age they are? What is reasonable to expect in terms of self-regulation, maturity and responsibility? What are their strengths and challenges? Are important things getting pushed aside by screens?

If a limit is placed on screen time, what activities and pastimes can take its place? While this will look different for every child, at the heart of what I do is my passion for finding ways to restore the necessary parts of childhood and adolescence that are getting displaced by screens.

Change Is Worth It

I know change can be hard. It can feel daunting to decide your family is going to spend less time on screens. In the beginning, it can almost feel as if you’re losing something. However, I have the experience to know that if you stick with it, you’ll discover that spending less time on a screen won’t be about what you’ve lost, but what you’ve gained.

• A hobby you had no idea your kids would love so much
• A project the whole family worked on together
• More and better sleep
• A car ride when your teen told you a funny thing that happened at school
• Sounds of joy and chaos coming from a child’s bedroom because they have in-person friends over
• More eye contact
• Discovering a new author your family loves
• Less distraction, more meaningful conversation
• Less conflict
• A card game you just learned, and the fact that you never knew your teen was such a poker shark

I like to think of learning new tech habits as an experiment you and your kids are working on as a team. It’s a journey you are on together, learning what works for your family and what doesn’t.

When your kids grow up and leave home, the things you’ll remember won’t be a Tik-Tok video, a meme, or a video game score. When your family cuts down on screens, you gain so much more of the things that matter: more of the experiences that help kids thrive, more time when everyone in the room is fully present, and more of the moments that create lasting family memories.